"If you're one step short of crazy, what are you?" -"Obsessed?" -"Passionate."

Today I had something really neat happen. You might not see the big deal, but it actually meant alot to me. About a week ago, I went to the high school production of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and I took a few moments to talk to some old friends, and then I spoke a moment with my old band teacher. I told her that I want and am willing to help out with the upcoming marching band season when and if she needed help. I did marching band for all four years of high school and for the last two I got to be the drum major, which for me was and in some ways still is a life-changing experience. I specifically volunteered for help at band camp if needed and that I was willing to help create and sew the color guard uniforms. But to my surprise, two days later, I got a text- not a phone call, but an actual text- from Mrs. Eddington asking if I would be willing to do a clinic for those intending to audition for the position of drum major. From the get-go I was very excited and I do feel kind of honored that she would ask me to do that, so I of course agreed. Last week a time, date, and place was set for the clinic.

This afternoon before the auditions I headed over to the high school to try and sell my old choir dress that's been hanging in my closet and to make sure that the high school would be open and available for the clinic because it was raining quite vigorously today. I took care of what I needed to, and when walking out of the band room I caught a glimpse of my name on a flyer. Mrs. Eddington posted a flier advertising that I would be in charge of the clinic along with the date and time. It was kind of weird to see that. I later talked to some bandies about it and apparently I'm known. I didn't even go to school with half the kids in band anymore, but apparently people still know who I am. I have wondered if any of my hard work for the band and individual students on and off the field ever amounted to anything, but just that I was asked to do this and that I found out how much some of the band students have looked up to me, I guess it did. I'm not saying I was perfect or by any means the best, but I like to think that the biggest thing that I did was care, not about being in a position of leadership or power, but I honestly loved each and every one of the students. I kind of joke that marching band is the only true love in my life I have ever had, but to some degree that's true.

Tonight the clinic went a longer than I expected because there were nearly twice as many students planning to audition than I expected. I want to be an educator for kids this age, and as a former drum major I want to share the best of everything that I know with these kids. I want to make the decision tough, and I know that it can be. Each of the students made tremendous progress just in the hour that we practiced together. It went so long that I think we only got halfway finished. We're going to do the rest tomorrow. Part of this whole experience solidified to me that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life it teach kids like this. I know this sounds cheesy, but I can see the potential that each of them has bursting from behind their eyes, and if they can see it too, this year will be awesome.

The biggest thing that I think happened today is what I did for myself. After time and time again and four new medications just since being home, I am more desperate and more driven than ever to find something that will help me to feel as if my life can be something beautiful in my eyes and the eyes of God. I know in my head that it can be and it is, but I just haven't felt it in so long. I haven't felt pure happiness in over a month. Today I was fortunate to have the chance to spend time doing something that I love and haven't done for a very long time. I'm taking baby steps, but along with other habits I'm trying to instigate, I feel like I am moving forward. I might be taking baby scoots, but I'm moving forward to feel love again in my life.